If Trump & Other Politicians Debated #CRISPR: Saturday Science Satire

CRISPR PoliticiansPoliticians  may start talking about CRISPR more and more in the near future.

What if politicians weighed in on CRISPR with Tweets or statements in debates? What if this happened during the particularly charged time of a political campaign such as now?

Below is a Saturday science satire in that spirit of imagined Tweets or debate snippets.

Trump: Ted Cruz is wrong on CRISPR and a loser. See how much crisper I am than Bush, who is low energy? And my hair is crispier than ever with that nice orange cooked color.

Hillary Clinton: Americans need a champion to defend them from big pharma and so CRISPR drug prices must be kept low. Also, I never emailed about that secret CRISPR military project when I was Secretary of…never mind.

Bernie Sanders: CRISPR should not be patentable at all and should be owned by the American people as its discovery was supported by NIH funding. We need to change to a democratic socialist system of science.

Ted Cruz: Our heroic men and women in white lab coats have invented this without NY values. Wait, Berkeley was involved? Anyhow, let’s keep the CRISPR out of the hands of radical “Islamic terrorists”, who I would carpet bomb.

Ben Carson: I’m a neurosurgeon so I know all about sciency stuff. I’ve had my hands inside of people’s brains for goodness sake. Let’s repeal fascist Obamacare before it gets its hands on CRISPR.

John Kasich: Look, I’m the only normal GOP candidate who could win the general election. I talked to some actual scientists about CRISPR who said it has real potential, but risks. The primary nut jobs won’t listen to me about anything though.

Chris Christie: Governors should be in charge of CRISPR. The federal government should not be funding CRISPR efforts to genetically modify human beings. It’s a slippery slope…a bridge to trouble. Damn why did I say, “bridge”?

Carly Fiorina: I heard from a reliable source that PP is all for CRISPR use in fetuses and there’s a YouTube video showing this. As a high-tech CEO, let me tell you I know all about all technology. All.

Marco Rubio: I’m the only candidate who really is presidential and gets CRISPR. It is going to be part of a new American century. And check out my website, marcorubio.com.

Jeb Bush: Like my brother I would have invaded Iraq and now I support the war on CRISPR. Oh wait, CRISPR isn’t part of ISIS? Really? This campaign just sucks.

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