Giant Pumpkin Stem Cell Supplement Cream: Halloween Satire

Knoepfler giant pumpkinWe’ve bottled the power of giant pumpkin stem cell magic and are providing it to the world!

Giant Pumpkin Stem Cell Elixir Anti-aging Supplement & Cream-In-OneTM is your ticket to a better life.

What does this stem cell supplement do?

It’s all good and huge!

Celebrities are some of our biggest customers. Even if they haven’t disclosed their use, if you notice a celebrity with that healthy orange glow you can bet they used our product. It trumps all others.

  • It will make you feel and, yes, literally be younger
  • Grow big muscles!
  • Increase your IQ bigly
  • Improve your sex life
  • Revitalize your skin to a healthy orangish glow!
  • Get ripped six or more pack abs just like a pumpkin
  • Cure what ails you
  • Ideal for post-stem cell therapy
  • Regrow hair
  • Remove unwanted hair
  • Detox your body
  • Youthify your vasculature!
  • Improve your vision!
  • Envision your improvement!
  • And much much more.

All because of the magic of stem cells!

Rub it on your skin, eat it, drink it…we don’t care because it’s all good.

What’s in this remarkable stem cell product?

It’s a proprietary blend of unique vitamins, giant pumpkin, giant pumpkin seeds, and immortal jellyfish venom.

The end result will blow your mind!*

If you order now, we’ll double your order for free and throw in a free pumpkin pie kit.

A one month’s supply of this tremendous stem cell cream and supplement in-one is only $999.95.

stem cell supplement disclaimers

3 thoughts on “Giant Pumpkin Stem Cell Supplement Cream: Halloween Satire


  1. Oh wait, this is an allogeneic pumpkin! Can I use my own pumpkin stem cells? They’re my stem cells so hands off FDA, pumpkins are not food! 😉


  2. “Look, this cream is amazing… I know all the creams in the world, and this one is the best… Bigly! It has a tremendous effect… FDA is rigged.. but let me tell you: This cream will change your life… I have the best life in the world, I am super smart (everybody knows it) and I tell you to buy this cream… and you know what? I will make Mexico pay for it! 5 stars”

    A satisfied (though now orange) customer…

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